LOVE AND REPRESSION

In fact, suffering starts at the very early stages of childhood when as a child we do not receive what we need; i.e. when a child is not sufficiently nourished, nor kept warm and clean; when a child is not touched, fondled, listened to; when a child is not allowed to grow at his own pace and when the questions asked by a child are ignored. Of course, all infancies are full of frustrations; even the best mother cannot fulfil all the needs and desires of her child.

However, it is not suffering from frustrations that causes psychological problems but the denial of this suffering, and the permission to live and to express the pain of all experienced frustrations.

Often the denial and/or non-allowance perpetrated by the parents has an ulterior unconscious motive : to save the parents from the possibility of feeling their own childhood pains. Not seeing the suffering of one's own child is for the parents the best way not to see to what extent they themselves have suffered in similar situations.

But for the child, the impossibility and mostly the non-allowance of expressing to the parents what is being felt creates the emergence of an even more profound new pain - the impossibility of being himself. So the child begins to feel unloved and not loveable.

Very often, the child must dissociate from reality because the suffering of feeling unloved is much too heavy. It is a defence mechanism for the purpose of survival. How can a child tolerate the idea of being abandoned with a feeling of deep despair since the child cannot provide for his needs. It is in danger of death. This mechanism allows the child to be rather unconscious of a very strong emotional pain that is always present within. This shows that the cut-off is done unconsciously because the child does not decide by himself to forget about the suffering. This survival mechanism which was developed after millions of years of evolution is biologically inherent, natural and normal with all human beings and it is called repression.

But when the child represses feelings, he blocks real needs and consequently denies a part of himself. This unconscious denial of oneself and its real needs surfaces when the intensity of the pain goes beyond the level of tolerances or when this level is attained by a cumulative effect. Victim of its own repression, the child continues to unconsciously deny this part of himself for the rest of his life. The most tragic part is that, when the child becomes a parent, he transfers his own pain to his child. Therefore, he is incapable of recognising in his children the very needs that he unconsciously denied for himself.

Emotions suppressed during childhood do not disappear. They remain imprisoned within the child turned adult and create a continuous tension both at the physical and psychological levels. This tension pushes the person to be in a continuous battle to symbolically satisfy the unfulfilled " love " needs that were not fulfilled during childhood. A way of survival for the child, repression then becomes a destructive mechanism for the adult. This frequently causes depression or anxiety.

All aspects of the adult person's life may suffer - mental and physical health, love relationships, family relationships, friendships as well as career. No matter how much the person tries and despite all the willingness involved, an adult can never satisfy the unfulfilled childhood needs. This constant battle can only be resolved by reliving the original suffering blocked from the conscious mind for such a long time. This specific experience is called a Primal.

Since the distorted behaviour comes from an emotional denial, the emotion is key for resolving the conflict. Regression thus helps by encouraging the person to bring to the surface, that is the conscious mind, the emotional suffering so that it may be known, it may be felt, it may be understood, it may be acknowledged and it may be integrated.